Book Reviews: Hex Hall & Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins

I finished the first book in less than eight hours. Thats not really a good or bad thing but it does say that it was easy to read. Which might be caused by some of the meaner things I will say.

The first book is stupid predictable. It hurst how much of a cliche some of it is. New girl in a high school for special kids. Gets roomed with an outcast and chooses to be her friend rather than make friends with the bitchy girls who threaten her rather than woo her into their group. (Side note, I was in a Sorority. You don't threaten them. You play nice and ask them about themselves. Then you ply them with booze and take them out to a play ground. Not in that order or back to back but yeah.)

Of course there is the one super hot guy that all the girls get their panties in a twist over. (Boyfriend: Did she ruin that chair thinking about him? Me: Yes all the little high school girls did ruin chairs when he came in the room.) He is of course dating the queen bitch. He and the main girl get assigned detention together on the first day.

Girl has been lied to about origins and parents and finds this all out while at school. Well some of it is delayed until book two but yeah. Parents are evil. Blah Blah Blah.

I wanted to like these books. I did. Lead girl has the decency to be a smart ass and constantly snarky. Best friend is a vampire that loves pink. It has a base there that could be something not boring. But it is boring. So boring. This might be because the book is almost completely a copy paste of "Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy." But then again that is probably a copy paste of something else.

I don't get this whole really hot guy thing. I mean I get that some guys are hot. I am aware of that, don't question my appreciation of the male form. What I don't get is this idea that one guy or maybe one group of guys are the end all be all of hot in high school. I spent most of high school laughing terribly at those kinds of guys. I never met a single one of them that could have had a decent conversation with me. Also it might have just been my school but really none of them were that good looking. I am not a snob with it comes to looks but seriously where do they grow these boys because they certainly aren't in Indiana.

I just don't get it. I went to the high school that John Hughes made so famous. Its a real place and its in the Midwest. But I just never seemed to notice these things actually happening. I think they did, just not to me or anyone I knew. Why? Because I had traveled the world and read good books by the time hormones kicked in and was not a slave to the little monsters.

I like the guy in the second book so much better. He is sweet and has that whole stoic and silent think going for him. Yes he might not be dangerous and mysterious but I don't trust anybody I can't read like a book. No really, if they are mysterious there is a good chance they are just bi-polar. And I already have one of those hanging around I don't need to date one.

On top of that what is it with parents either lying or not trusting your parents? I mean how many parents really lie about important stuff about who they are and what they do as their job. Granted my parents did once lie to me in a major way but at the time they didn't want me to be freaking out. Yes I haven't completely forgiven my mother for not letting me know that my dad was stage four earlier but I get why they did it.

But in these books its like the parents are retarded. They have no idea how to talk to their children and the kids don't trust them to begin with. And then the bad guys in the second book apparently are doing this for their own good but she wouldn't understand because she is just a kid.

True I find teenagers to be vile creatures, and I say that fully acknowledging the face that I was one not too long ago. But why are the parents and adults so tight lipped?

Another thing why do long periods of time get brushed over in these books so quickly? Harry Potter was good because there was stuff going on all the time, even when they had homework and class. Perhaps if some of these books added a bit more rather than saying "the next several weeks of detention were nice while we laughed together, blah blah blah"? Do something with that time. Make the male lead more than just a cardboard box held up by good looks and raging hormones.

The one thing missing from these books was the main character liking a classic novel that most teens recognize but have never read. I hate that. Have you read Jane Austin? I have. Its really cumbersome. You have to be dedicated. And yes I do know just about every Shakespeare play and character. I am a dying breed of people that love to read, but yeah I get why that is normally included. Still it always feels forced because you know the girls don't act like book worms.

I was bored basically. I have complaints but they are mostly with the genre rather than the book itself. It was fine but it was predictable and boring. The second book was ever so slightly less so but had the bad habit of bringing in the new love interest just so he can be crushed. Oh yeah and mommy was lying as well as daddy. So yay!

I need to not read young adult. *Looks at books from the library* Crap.....

Book Review: Archon by Sabrina Benulis

I want to hit myself for this one. I really do. First off I read a review, I think on All Things Urban Fantasy but not sure. The review said mean things, which is kind of like saying that some one just made fresh cookies to me. I don't know why I feel the need to read books that sound awful. Then to make matters worse the author thanked God first in the acknowledgements. I don't really have anything against The Flying Spaghetti Monster in all his forms but I worry when He is the first person thanked by some one. It sets me on edge for reasons I don't really want to get into but begin and end with the day I learned there was no Santa.

So this book is about angles. But also it is about bitchy teen girls that some how go from being fussy about boyfriend to murdering half the college. Well not half, but anyone that cuts of a priest's head is kind of hard core. Also this my be years of Catholic education speaking but some of the things in this book gave me hives. I mean the writing is complete shit and she is clearly working of some kind of religious complex in this book. But to top that off the male lead is a priest.

I mean really. I have years of bad images and scandals burned into my brain about that. And suddenly there is a sexy young priest boinking all these young girls. Not one of the publishers was ever like "not to be weird but do you have penis envy of the little boys? Because this is strange." And yes hot priest guy is have Jinn, which in this incarnation are demons not magical creatures in bottles or their almost pokemon-like incarnation.

The angels were really weird. I mean I think that was on purpose but I am still really unclear if the head angel was doing it with the two smaller ones (who I for some reason pictures in chibi anime form) or if they just had some daddy issues with him. Also how the devil was he preggers? And was it being hinted at that he had been preggers for a couple thousand years? You know on top of that whole being in love with his younger brother.

Are you getting the hives yet?

This book went on forever to boot. Half way through we reached what I thought was a really good kind of climatic scene. And then it just kept going. It was painful by that point because I just was not sure what was happening. Was the demon trying to put her adoptive daughter on the throne of hell or not? Was the priest dude work for the devil or not? Was anyone actually working for the devil because apparently the demons all locked up Lucifel because she was so scary. How is a tree an angel and why is that brushed over so quickly.

How are this many people being murdered or dying on an island owned by the Vatican and no one is freaking out? That was the weirdest part. The serial kill plus the fact that people just die there all the time for like no reason except you know that water got into their homes and drowned them. Everyone mentions that it is a dangerous place, and yet it is a university.

Also what the fuck is up with the only two scenes that take place in a class room they are reading Dante's Inferno. I mean honestly? If you make this much crazy shit up with the rest of the book have the decency to at least do something original with the only class room part.

This book tried to do something with the three head angels having a big fight. One turned into the devil,  one died, and one went a bit bonkers and might have killed God. (one of the many things that is vague.)  It tried and it failed.

But if you are in the mood for a book about gods in a set of three I would recommend whole heartedly "A Hundred Thousand Kingdoms".  I have no idea what I said about it when I reviewed it back in the day, but the book is a solid read and does much better with that premise. It also has the added bonus of basically being like "you know how humanity started out in Africa, don't you think god would be black if we were made in his image?" Which at first I was not behind, but the more I think about it I find it to be a really interesting F-You the author snuck in there. And I kind of love her for that.

So yes. Don't really this book.

How I feel when characters try to solve a crime

Goals

I want to be the Zero Punctuation of book reviews. Not that I want to say a lot or say things quickly, just that I want to tear things apart. I feel that most of us love our authors and we are nice to them. But at the same time I feel like the fans can be brutal and I would like to be one fo those more brutal people. Because when I do get around to finishing my novel it will be torn to shreds so this is going to be a warm up for that.

Office fun time

When I run out of things to do this is what I do.

Mini Book Review: Beauty and the Werewolf by Mercedes Lackey

This was the book that got me interested in the Five Hundred Kingdoms series. The title alone was pretty much crack for me so of course I read it. But the thing is this book was not as trashy as I thought it was going to be. It has the slow steady pacing of the fantasy novels I used to read in junior high before everything had to be about running the entire book. (See Dresden reviews) There was some funny tongue and cheek moments but most of it was this cute story. Granted I really didn't feel the romance but then again I never felt the romance when I was reading those books back in junior high. Besides this book and the Sleeping Beauty story the rest of the series seems to be stupid boring. I mean really. Although Sebastian was kind of boring he wasn't completely boring. Hell I am getting bored trying to talk about it.

Archer Quote of the day

"He was chasing you all rapey. Fortunately, he's italian so that shouldn't be too hard to sell." - Archer

Mini Book Review: Snow Queen by Mercedes Lackey

I was so completely bored by this book that I skipped a whole chapter. I just said whatever and went to the next one. It only got interesting in the last 50 pages. I think there were pages where I only read a sentence and skimmed the rest to see if anything interesting happened. The whole first half of this book has nothing to do with what is on the back cover. It is all just establishing a few characters but that can happen and plot at the same time. It does not require only one thing happen at a time, that is not how stories work. This series has been throwing me off because some of the books, that last two really, have been really good. The entire front half of the series makes me want to murder some one.  I thought this one might be a little bit better because A Good Knight wasn't completely retarded but this book needs to be put down. Not worth the read.

Micro Blogging

So there is this new trend of very short blogs and I am going to try and get behind that because basically it would mean more posting for me. Which I really need to do. Onward!

Archer Quote of the Day

"They called you exotic. Which is just people talk for awesome. Which you are."-Archer

"Mroew"- Babo