Tv Review: Sekirei

Netflix instant watch is a scary thing, mostly because it gives me access to tones of shows that I had no idea existed before. The other night we were looking for something to watch before bed and stopped on this, pretty much for the sole reason that the girl on the front had giant tits.

This show is basically Pokemon but instead of collecting small animals you collect busty women and instead of poke-balls you kiss them. I am not kidding. James was cracking up and signing the pokemon theme when the girls are doing silly stuff. In fact the girls even have a special talent that seems to mirror the kind of strengths that pokemon had, such as plant, water, fighting, fire, ice and so forth.

There is even talk that some of the guys force girls to be their Sekirei like they are collecting them. To which James of course starts saying "gotta catch them all," over and over again. The plot is that these Sekirei have to find some one to bond with, then they emerge. At which point they are to fight each other until there is only one Sekirei left.

This series knows its audience and what it is doing. Nearly every female Sekirei is in some form of fetish clothing at nearly all times. All of the boobs in this show defy the laws of physics and mass, I mean they are not that big on that small of a girl in real life. Of course the male character is a quiet guy who isn't really good at anything, doesn't have that much of a personality except that he gets nervous a lot.

He is the Bella of anime, but yet all of the women want him. This is how anime works so its not that big of a deal. Of course boring boy ends up with several women. We have the strong but dense cute girl that he seems to like the most. There is a very little girl that thinks of him a a big brother and can use plants as her strength. There is a busty blond woman that speaks like she is from Shakespearian time and can use water, also she thinks that the bonding makes her the guy's wife. Then there is the red head that likes technology and guns.

They dress up the little girl in animal costumes all the time.

Also boring guy's little sister gets a guy Sekirei which appears to be an attempt to get a few other fetishes cramped into this show.

 I can't really say much else because we haven't finished the series. But I had to say something. We keep waiting for one of the characters to say they are going to the Ice Gym.

Book Review: Touched by an Alien by Gini Koch

I know what you are thinking, but no I didn't pick this book up because of the name. I got it because of the cover art. About a month ago I was trying to find bootleg of a graphic novel I want. I couldn't find it or at least wasn't giving a full effort but what I did find was the cover art for this book. It is done by the same person that does the cover art for the Mercy Thompson series which I love dearly. It seems odd but I saw the cover art and pretty much said yay I'm reading this. There are aliens and guns and fire and fighter jets and an areosmith t-shirt and men in suits. Its sorta like dangling sour gummy worms in front of me, I am going to go for them.

Not to mention that it just gets better as it goes. We start out with Katherine "Kitty" Katt coming out of a court house. (Her name alone told me there was going to be giggles.) There she encounters a "superbeing" that attacks and strats killing civilians, she reacts by stabbing it with a pen. Then a bunch of guys in Armani suits show up and ask her to join them. So it turns out that there are these alien parasites trying to get to earth and turn people into evil superbeings, and the guys in suits are trying to stop them. But the guys in suits are also aliens from the planet closets to us that has life, um Alpha Centurian or something like that.

I would explain more but I kind of want my friend Britt to read this book so I am not going to give away too much because I know that she reads this. The point is that the story is actually rather well done Just when I thought that I had things figured out something else was revealed and it made more sense. I mean at first look the plot seems surface deep but each chapter reveals more interesting information.

Not to mention that there was a giant slug killed with salt water and jokes about some one finding a giant mongoose for a reenactment of Rikki-tikki-tavi when the giant snake showed up, which just tickled me because that movie scared the living begious out of me as a kid. I mean I liked the movie but when you live in a third world country watching a movie about snakes in a third world country it tends to freak out out a bit more than some one who lives in Chicago.

Back to the point, there is a running joke about the main character's purse that made me smile. Because my mom had a purse like that.

"Actually, you woke up before I could find your wallet," Martini admitted. "I don't know how you found that pen; your purse is like a black hole."
"I prefer to think of it as Mary Poppins' carpetbag."

Also hair spray and alcohol are used as deadly weapons in this book. Also comic book references left and right. And sex, that happened too.

Basically read this. Yeah. Do it now.

Movie Review: The Last Airbender

Back in 2005 I was still in high school and was watching way more anime than I do today. Nickelodean released a show that year called Avatar: The Last Air Bender. It was an American made show that had taken heavy influences from Asian cultures.

The show took place in a made up world where people had the ability to bend Air, Water, Fire and Earth. Each style of bending was based on a real life style of fighting. Water bending is almost complete comprised of Tai Chi. About a hundred years ago in this world the fire nation decided to conquer the other nations. At about this time the Avatar, a mystical person who is a reincarnation that can bend all four powers, disappeared. The show opens with two teens in the Southern Water Kingdom finding the Avatar who has been in suspended animation for a hundred years in a block of ice.

The show on its surface was for kids, but had themes and issues for teens. The prince of the fire nation, Zuko,  was an extremely complex character who was kicked out of his kingdom for showing compassion and struggles with his need for acceptance and doing the right thing. Aang, the Avatar was forced to confront the fact that an accident meant his entire people were wiped out and that the entire world was counting on him to kill a man he had never meet. Katara struggled to be a water bender and a woman in a society that thought she should be relegated to a healer position. Sokka, Katara's brother, dealt with the fact that his entire tribe basically left him in charge and his lack of bending making him a less useful member of the group.

The show was fantastic and funny. I thought they could have switched a romance or two to make the story have a greater depth but that was me nitpicking. The show was fantastic and I re-watched it on several occasions. I watched the first season with my boyfriend and he then on his own watched the rest of the show.

The movie on the other hand was perhaps on of the greatest failures in cinema for this generation and perhaps the next three. The opening voice over was carried on into the entire movie. The characters had the acting depth of an elementary school play. The movie attempted to cram in the side story locations when it should have simply focused on the over arching story. Details of the show were thrown in at random. Most of the first season was an extended road trip as the three main characters traveled from the south pole to the north pole. Most episodes existed to show the depth of the world. Including parts of these episodes in the movie was completely idiotic.

The biggest offense was simple change of lines and actions. In the show Aang ran away from him home because the elders wanted to take him away from his adoptive father. He knew he was the
Avatar but it wasn't that big of a deal, the issue was his adoptive father was still protecting him from a more grueling training. He ran away in a fit of anger and got trapped. In the movie he ran away when he found out he was the Avatar, because he knew that the Avatar wasn't allowed to have a family. I about shot Shamalamdingdong for that. In the movie version is is completely is fault that all the Air Benders were slaughtered, in the show he had no idea. In the movie they tell him they need his help to stop this threat. So Aang from the movie sucks ass.

Another massive offense was the casting. The fire nation was Japan. Lets be honest. It looked like Japan, the people dressed in traditional Japanese clothes and eat sushi. The earth nation was a combination of China, Korea, and Thailand. The water nation was supposed to be eskimos. In fact every actor for the water nation except for the main characters did have that native American look. So what gives with casting two Russian looking kids for the leads? Then Shamalamdingdong had to go and make the fire nation Indian. Because god forbid he doesn't get to put himself in the movie some place.

The changes to the story and actors were surface level. The writing suffered greatly. The show had been well written, the movie was something that I think was written by a pre-schooler attempting to recreated the show. I hate voice overs on principle and this movie proves that using them is never really a good idea.

I can't even being to point out all the things that were wrong with this movie without re-watching, because I tried to scrub it from my memory, but I will never watch it again. The point that made me laugh is that when the creators of the original show were asked about the movie they made it a point to say that they were not involved in the project at all. They said they were not consulted at all and then politely tried not to say they thought the movie was an abomination.

The one saving grace was that my favorite character Toph, a blind girl with the strongest ability to earth bend in this generation, was spared and not in the movie. She doesn't show up until the second season so she is save where she belongs, throwing insults and kicking rocks. Hell she was the first person to bend metal, something that was thought impossible.

For those interested the creators of the original show have announced a sequel of sorts. This will follow the life of the next Avatar, who will be a girl from the water tribe. The story is going to focus on the fact that science in the world is quickly pushing benders out of the picture. They promise there will be steampunk and rebellions. The show is entitled Avatar: The Legend of Korra.

WTF Sam Neil, Movie Review: Under the Mountain

Don't ask me how I found this movie, but it was odd. So um there are aliens and they are in New Zeland, which is a change for aliens. There are trying to take over our world. Sam Neil is another alien that wants to help but is afraid to help because the last group of twins failed.

Oh yeah twins are needed to fight the evil aliens, and they have the have "twinness" which is a special bond. Which makes me think about escape to witch mountain. But yeah. I watched the whole movie and I can't really tell you who this was made for, or why it was made. There is some low budget stuff happening but then a big budget scene sneaks in. There were crazy tempo problems as well. The first twenty five, perhaps thirty minutes of the movie was two redhead kids looking depressed and then freaked out at random times. Their mom had died and then they were sent to the aunt and uncles. They can speak in each others heads but the boy hates it.

And then pretty much out of no where come Sam Neil making fire. My exact reaction upon seeing him in this movie was "WTF Sam Neil?" Not to mention that his character has little to no personality, so there is no reason for Sam Neil to be the one to play Mr. Jones.

Why are bad aliens always slimy and good ones look like us or have fire? I mean really. Bad aliens can't be fire based and we can't have slimy good aliens? Yes I understand that the reason these things happen are our connotations of these ideas, but I like it when things get mixed up a little bit.

The end of the movie came down to the kids throwing some rocks in a dormant volcano. I would say that it was a horrible movie and there was nothing great, but it was better than Last Air Bender. I shit you not. Last Air Bender was a great series and M. Night Shamalamdingdong f-ed it up big time in perhaps the biggest let down of my life. So yes this movie is greater than Last Air Bender. But it does have that 'this was a kids book we turned into a movie' feel. And of course now that I go look up a picture I see that it is. That makes way more sense.

What now?

I don't know if you have seen this yet but its kind of turning into a big internet deal. This blogger reviewed a self published book on the Kindle. She made some comments that there were errors. Then the author of the book blew up on the blog. Then the entire internet got a hold of the mess.

Its a very funny read if you have nothing better to do, and love grammar and hate people that suck at it.

http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html

Sucker Punch Movie Review

NSFW

I am going to be out of town for the next few days, because my boyfriend's cousin is getting married in Kentucky. I have been informed that there is little to no internet access and besides the internet is evil. Um yeah its one of those places. I have also been informed that I am helping set up the wedding because down there I am a second class citizen. Any way, as my rebellion I am putting this video on my blog.

Thought of the day: A Problem with Cars and other rants

Here is another thing I thought about, are we really to believe the cars in these books. I mean I am to totally believe that all these guys are driving these cars.

It is a known fact that expensive car equals small penis. This is a fact. No normal person buys a Ferrari just because, they do it so people will think he has cool stuff to make up for his small penis. Iron Man and sports starts are the exception in that they are not real people.

And yes I realize that I read fantasy and that these are not real people, but still. When you set a fantasy in modern day there are a few things I expect to be on the normal side. One is clothes, which nearly every author fails at. No one really wears a leather duster and looks cool. The people that could pull it off don't wear it because its weird, and the people that do wear them can't pull them off. Velvet is not a real fabric. I don't know anyone outside of a nursing home that would buy purple velvet pants.

So yeah I also don't believe in the crazy expensive cars driven by the hunk. I really think that either the care or the description of in man bits has to be wrong. Why are none of them driving a Toyota? I mean they are kind of the car of choice for blending in, or a Honda. If all of these mythical creatures are really trying to blend into the modern world I think they would drive something more blend-y.

On the other hand I realize being completely realistic would be no fun. Beer gut is not going to get my panties in a twist so I realize that all these characters are an exaggeration. But just how my boyfriend is a whistle blower for science in shows I feel the need to point out when the illusion fails. I understand that a good deal of the populace and readership doesn't care or notice, but I do.

On another note Bioware did a cock block. For those not aware Bioware is the company that makes Dragon Age and Mass Effect. Both games have gotten press for a few reasons, mainly that they offer "alternative lifestyle love interests." Basically a few of the AI characters are bi and you can have a relationship with them and sleep with them. This was pretty cool when Mass Effect brought it out the first time. In Mass Effect the sex scene wasn't much but a glance or butt and side boob.  Dragon Age on the other hand the characters are still wearing their underwear the entire cut scene, which was odd.

But Dragon Age II sorta lost a grip. The lesbian version of the sex scene has both characters completely clothed for the entire cut scene. I can't figure out what is making them back down. They are a Canadian company, what do they care. I am sort of annoyed that each game progressively gets more tame. I am not mentioning Mass Effect II because half of the love interests are aliens and the cut scene are odd.