Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Problem of Chest hair

This might just be me but i have noticed some strange stuff that seems to always happen in romance novels, and right now i want to address the problem of chest hair. Seeing as i am an adult and been to a beach several times i believe i have a good handle on what chest hair on men looks like, and it really comes in only a few types.

Late Puberty: this is the small happy trail and that awkward patch near the pecks. This is normally joined by the inability to grow a full beard.

The Patches: This is more of an in between phase. At this point there is a patch on the stomach and one on the pecks, and some times a smattering of random hairs else where

The Full Body Suit: "Take off the sweat dad, you're scaring the natives." This is when the chest hair has taken on a life of its own and starts to eat the person. You will notice that most dad's have this.

The issue is that this is not what any of the males in romance novels have. A good deal of the time they are said to have only a happy trail, which is crazy. Because that means that they shave, or nair, or wax. And if the authors are to be believe i really dont see tough guys that spend half their time breaking head working in chest hair removal to their daily grooming.

Some times the lack of chest hair is explained away by them being ancient (fill in race here). But i would like to point out that i am under the impression that besides Native Americans most older cultures included more chest hair than we do now. So i dont buy that game.

The only logical conclusion is that a bunch of guys that drive fast cars and motorcycles, fight off deamons, and spend most of their time drinking and being "BA" (as Cole would say) shave their chests on a regular basis. Or they have a monthly spa appointment. Or as Cole would say "Take a nair bath."

My next major issues is the use of the term "dusting." It makes no sense. There is no such thing as a dusting of chest hair, unless we are going with what my dad had after the first round of chemo where there was still chest hair everywhere just less of it. And i would like to say that in no way was that attractive. Just take my word on this one.

My favorite is that many authors simply never address the chest hair, it just doesnt come up. Sure i know every other detail of the clothing, house, hair and eye color of the main characters but no mention of chest hair. This i dont understand either, seeing as i have to endure a detailed description of everything and every one.

The real point here is that chest hair is not sexy to look at, it feels nice in a weird "cave woman" type of way. It does, its hard to explain but is one of those weird ingrained things in the back of a womans brain i think.

Bottomline: Chest hair has no place in romance novels.

Tune in next time to ear about the issue with clothing choices.

1 comment:

  1. I find chest hair HAWT, but you're totally right: It has no place in romance. (For evidence see the cover models flashing their mantitties waxed to a baby's bottom sheen.)

    John Agin recommended your blog to me; he knows me too well. I see you're way into paranormal and urban fantasy; I gravitate towards contemporaries myself, but really I'll read anything and everything. (No, seriously. Everything.)

    I really look forward to hearing more about what you're reading!