Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Problem of Chest hair

This might just be me but i have noticed some strange stuff that seems to always happen in romance novels, and right now i want to address the problem of chest hair. Seeing as i am an adult and been to a beach several times i believe i have a good handle on what chest hair on men looks like, and it really comes in only a few types.

Late Puberty: this is the small happy trail and that awkward patch near the pecks. This is normally joined by the inability to grow a full beard.

The Patches: This is more of an in between phase. At this point there is a patch on the stomach and one on the pecks, and some times a smattering of random hairs else where

The Full Body Suit: "Take off the sweat dad, you're scaring the natives." This is when the chest hair has taken on a life of its own and starts to eat the person. You will notice that most dad's have this.

The issue is that this is not what any of the males in romance novels have. A good deal of the time they are said to have only a happy trail, which is crazy. Because that means that they shave, or nair, or wax. And if the authors are to be believe i really dont see tough guys that spend half their time breaking head working in chest hair removal to their daily grooming.

Some times the lack of chest hair is explained away by them being ancient (fill in race here). But i would like to point out that i am under the impression that besides Native Americans most older cultures included more chest hair than we do now. So i dont buy that game.

The only logical conclusion is that a bunch of guys that drive fast cars and motorcycles, fight off deamons, and spend most of their time drinking and being "BA" (as Cole would say) shave their chests on a regular basis. Or they have a monthly spa appointment. Or as Cole would say "Take a nair bath."

My next major issues is the use of the term "dusting." It makes no sense. There is no such thing as a dusting of chest hair, unless we are going with what my dad had after the first round of chemo where there was still chest hair everywhere just less of it. And i would like to say that in no way was that attractive. Just take my word on this one.

My favorite is that many authors simply never address the chest hair, it just doesnt come up. Sure i know every other detail of the clothing, house, hair and eye color of the main characters but no mention of chest hair. This i dont understand either, seeing as i have to endure a detailed description of everything and every one.

The real point here is that chest hair is not sexy to look at, it feels nice in a weird "cave woman" type of way. It does, its hard to explain but is one of those weird ingrained things in the back of a womans brain i think.

Bottomline: Chest hair has no place in romance novels.

Tune in next time to ear about the issue with clothing choices.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Authors I Bookmark part 2

Next on my list is Gena Showalter:

From what I can tell Showalter is one of the more senior writers amongst the bunch. Showalter and Cole also acknowledge each other in their books. Which is why it is no surprise that I am also a fan of Showalter. She has more books under her belt than some of the other authors, and way more series.

Lords of the Underworld, a series about men possesed by deamons and plauged by humans who believe killing them will rid the world of evil, might be one of my favorite series of all time. I have re-read all of the books. I have a personal connection to feeling like the world is against you and I must say the deamon warriors make for a different take. The next instalment is part of a two duo with Cole. The second that book drops I will be talking about it.

Showalter's Atlantis series also proves and interesting. It has a similar amount of species as Cole's Lore but all are contained within one city. Although it seems that the female leads of this series always spend so much time trying to run away.

I dont understand this "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" thing that happens in romance novels. If a big pretty werewolfe/dragon/magical creature/man came up to me and was like "people are trying to kill you, quick get in my expensive car!" I would have the reaction something like "of course!" But that just might be because all I do is read these books so I know where that is going, and I like where it will be going. Please some one tell me i am not the only one!

aaaAAnyway, back to Showalter. I find that the majority of her books are conistantly good. The only books I find hard to pick up are her Alien Hunter novels but I will not pass judgement before I read them so wait till then.

The one shortfall of Showalter is that her male leads have a tendincy of the "tarzan syndrome". Its alot of "me tarzan you jane" and "do as I say," which is fine in small doses but gets annoying when its the majority of the book. Luckily only a few of the books have fallen victim so on the whole her books are very readable.

Showalter gets a B+ for her overall score.

And now for my new favorite author: Nalini Singh.

I would like to take a quick moment to point out that I am a big fan of werewolves, I will always pick shapeshifters over all other races. So I tend to do the happy dance the second I find a series based around the idea of shapeshifters. Singh pretty much wrote my version of a wet dream. Her world not only includes shapeshifters but a race of "Psy" with powers of the mind. Her series takes place in the future so that means there are lots fun gadgets that keep the stories interesting.

The latest book Branded by Fire might be on my top ten all favorite romance novels. I simply find the world that Singh creates one of the best out there. I had a little trouble getting in to some of the characters but the political intrigue makes the stories nail bitters even when the two main characters are making gooy eyes at each other for seven chapters at a time. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I will do a full review

But lets go back to the shapeshifters. Singh not only brings in my wolves but she also stirs in leporads. The amazing thing about this is that each group has a set of dynamics, and watching (or rather reading) the two interact might be my favorite part of the series.

Singh's overall score is an A.

tune in next time for more authors to watch.

Authors I Bookmark part 1

Yeah, I know two posts one day equals over achiever. But I'm up and in the mood to get started. So lets first talk about some of my favorite authors.

Lets start with the woman that first began my decent into this addiction: Sherrilyn Kenyon.

Kenyon is the author of the extremely expansive Dark Hunter series. I started the series at the beginning (something that rarely happens I always seem to pick up the middle book by accident) and was rather impressed. Try to remember I was reading these books long before Twilight killed vampires for most of the population. Her vampires are not so much vampires as they are two races at war. One race, the Apollites were originally created by the god Apollo and then cursed to die at the age of 26. They feed on human souls to live longer (but not all of them some of them are nice and kick the bucket without trying to eat us). The other race is Dark Hunters, who are warriors that died and Artimis granted them eternal life and a chance to get revenge to those who wronged them in exchange for being her personal army against the Apollites.

Kenyon has some great delievery of new ideas. She uses Greek mythology to fuel her characters and even pulls on other mythological beings on a regular basis. The series started pretty awesome and while she tends to overdue the goth thing with the male leads in her books they are decent, or were. Sadly after about the first ten books she got strange. It's gotten to the point where I now dread a new book from her, because the interlocking plot requires that I read every book but I stopped caring about some of her characters five books ago.

I would still suggest the first couple of books in the series. The books hit a down turn right about the time Dream Hunters come in and start to take up more space than the Dark Hunters and the Were Hunters. ( If you really want to know about them ask. but i doubt you will.) The last four books have either had no plot at all or so much plot that the book just sort of explodes in your face.

Kenyon receives a C- for her overall score.

Next on my list is Kresley Cole:

Cole might be one of my favorites and I have recommended her books to other readers. Immortals After Dark series has yet to fail me and her two historical romance series hold up to multiple reads.

The thing I like most about Cole is she sticks to a formula, she doesnt over due the goth thing on the vampires, and she brings up old characters so you can see how they are doing. Lore, or the community of magical and mystical creatures that live amongst us is the foundation of the series. So far the majority of the female characters come from a house full of Valkyrie in New Orleans with a witch, a ghost and a sorceri mixed in. The males are either vampires, werewolves or deamons.

Cole's strongest point is her humor. The valkyrie and the witches have an on going video game torunament. The one character that can see the future is completely out of her mind and sends the rest of the leads on wild goose chases for her amusement. Cole doesnt ever let any of the characters get too broody or too gloomy by making sure a joke always comes up just when things get tense. And while she sticks to the main ingredient of paranormal all of the characters are fairly modern and interact more like normal people.

True the back stories might not be as complicated as other authors (cough Kenyon cough) but i prefer it that way. Each book opens with little excerpts about what races in Lore will be making an appearance in that book as well as a glossary of terms that will come up. The other nice thing is that she introduces her characters before they get their own book. Each main character was first a supporting character or mentioned in a previous book, and while this is common in romance series Cole pulls it off bettter than some of the other authors out there.

Currently I am pacing waiting for the next installment which was hinted at two books ago. Now if only the publication dates would stop changing.

Cole recieves an A- for her overall score.

Because bad books are what I do

Greetings creatures of the internet.

If you have stumbled here by accident or perhaps been sent the link my yours truly (more likely) here is a quick rundown of what this lovely little corner of the interwebs:

I have an addiction to read the worst kinds of books, those over the top romance paper backs. And I go through them so quickly that a friend suggested I write about it. Mostly this sounds like an awesome idea because I have learned there is such a thing as taking a guilty pleasure too far.

So from now on it will be my mission to read these books (which i would do anyway) and then write for others to see. We might even get input from two of my trusted friends and fellow bad book readers.

So in other words here goes nothing.