Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thought of the day
Okay so for the last couple of weeks I have tried to read aloud a description of a woman from a romance novel to a boy I know. And nearly every answer is something along the lines of "So she's fat, right?" The words Lush, Soft and Curvy seem to be triggers. Also any mention of a woman's hips and its pretty much "Bitch is fat!" Granted one boy said the only thing that matters are the boobs, but he likes kittens as much as he likes boobs so I worry about him.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
New Game
Read every romance title aloud and then say "by doing it" at the end. Titles that make sense with that must be good books. (Not really but its hilarious in book stores)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
And You Lost Me
Right now I am trying to work my way through A Discovery of Witches, and I just found something that makes me want to beat the author.
Men don't do yoga. Athletes and health nuts do yoga. But if you are trying to give me this giant book and say that it is not a romance book than maybe you should think about not making your vampire hero perfect in too many ways. Oh he has a short temper, whatever.
I am just a little crazy because people always try to tell me to read real fiction books and not romance because they are written better. But here once again we have a girl that appears to be a bit of a mess, at least to herself because apparently everyone else is in aw of her; and a near perfect dashing rich hero. *groan.*
I am going to be perfectly honest, if you really don't put a whole lot of effort into your appearance and you have low self esteem, people pick up on that. Frankly the dashing guy isn't going to walk up to the girl with unbrushed hair who slouches and doesn't make eye contact. This is a fact of life. Body language reflects self esteem. I am sick to death of these mousy women. Those of us that have a back bone would like to say that you are doing nothing for the social understanding of our gender.
Modern books are starting to sicken me. I miss Elizabeth Bennett.
Men don't do yoga. Athletes and health nuts do yoga. But if you are trying to give me this giant book and say that it is not a romance book than maybe you should think about not making your vampire hero perfect in too many ways. Oh he has a short temper, whatever.
I am just a little crazy because people always try to tell me to read real fiction books and not romance because they are written better. But here once again we have a girl that appears to be a bit of a mess, at least to herself because apparently everyone else is in aw of her; and a near perfect dashing rich hero. *groan.*
I am going to be perfectly honest, if you really don't put a whole lot of effort into your appearance and you have low self esteem, people pick up on that. Frankly the dashing guy isn't going to walk up to the girl with unbrushed hair who slouches and doesn't make eye contact. This is a fact of life. Body language reflects self esteem. I am sick to death of these mousy women. Those of us that have a back bone would like to say that you are doing nothing for the social understanding of our gender.
Modern books are starting to sicken me. I miss Elizabeth Bennett.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Vampire and the Virgin by Kerrelyn Sparks
There is this moments that happens in a lot of fantasy romance novels, where a heroine is suddenly told that they handsome man she just met is a vampire/werewolf/zombie/mummy/goat/a car/the spawn of Satan/etc. At this point he will say that she has to trust him, even though they just met three days ago, she needs to trust him because they are meant for each other. I normally gag or roll my eyes for a few minutes before i go on reading.
In the past Sparks has been one of the authors that has been notorious for these moments. Not this time ladies. This time the characters have a long distance skype relationship for several months. Also the leading female has this creepy stalker serial killer.
But really other than that this is a formulaic book. Sparks has a formula and she sticks to it. Girl is doing somethings, girl bumps into guy. Guy is vampire. (only two books of the entire series have not done this) They have passionate encounters. Girl notices she can only meet guy at night/he has no reflection/drinking of the fake blood. She has minor freak out. He explains to a point. She is weary. Evil vampires attempt to kill her/him/them/others. They bound deeper. In the next book they have a wedding.
I was not expecting anything new and i didn't really get it. The only difference is because there is a few months that are skimmed over when the girl finds out that her beau is a vampire she doesn't completely flip and takes the whole "trust me" better because she knows him. Besides this one change i am pretty much underwhelmed.
In the past Sparks has been one of the authors that has been notorious for these moments. Not this time ladies. This time the characters have a long distance skype relationship for several months. Also the leading female has this creepy stalker serial killer.
But really other than that this is a formulaic book. Sparks has a formula and she sticks to it. Girl is doing somethings, girl bumps into guy. Guy is vampire. (only two books of the entire series have not done this) They have passionate encounters. Girl notices she can only meet guy at night/he has no reflection/drinking of the fake blood. She has minor freak out. He explains to a point. She is weary. Evil vampires attempt to kill her/him/them/others. They bound deeper. In the next book they have a wedding.
I was not expecting anything new and i didn't really get it. The only difference is because there is a few months that are skimmed over when the girl finds out that her beau is a vampire she doesn't completely flip and takes the whole "trust me" better because she knows him. Besides this one change i am pretty much underwhelmed.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Problem of Chest hair
This might just be me but i have noticed some strange stuff that seems to always happen in romance novels, and right now i want to address the problem of chest hair. Seeing as i am an adult and been to a beach several times i believe i have a good handle on what chest hair on men looks like, and it really comes in only a few types.
Late Puberty: this is the small happy trail and that awkward patch near the pecks. This is normally joined by the inability to grow a full beard.
The Patches: This is more of an in between phase. At this point there is a patch on the stomach and one on the pecks, and some times a smattering of random hairs else where
The Full Body Suit: "Take off the sweat dad, you're scaring the natives." This is when the chest hair has taken on a life of its own and starts to eat the person. You will notice that most dad's have this.
The issue is that this is not what any of the males in romance novels have. A good deal of the time they are said to have only a happy trail, which is crazy. Because that means that they shave, or nair, or wax. And if the authors are to be believe i really dont see tough guys that spend half their time breaking head working in chest hair removal to their daily grooming.
Some times the lack of chest hair is explained away by them being ancient (fill in race here). But i would like to point out that i am under the impression that besides Native Americans most older cultures included more chest hair than we do now. So i dont buy that game.
The only logical conclusion is that a bunch of guys that drive fast cars and motorcycles, fight off deamons, and spend most of their time drinking and being "BA" (as Cole would say) shave their chests on a regular basis. Or they have a monthly spa appointment. Or as Cole would say "Take a nair bath."
My next major issues is the use of the term "dusting." It makes no sense. There is no such thing as a dusting of chest hair, unless we are going with what my dad had after the first round of chemo where there was still chest hair everywhere just less of it. And i would like to say that in no way was that attractive. Just take my word on this one.
My favorite is that many authors simply never address the chest hair, it just doesnt come up. Sure i know every other detail of the clothing, house, hair and eye color of the main characters but no mention of chest hair. This i dont understand either, seeing as i have to endure a detailed description of everything and every one.
The real point here is that chest hair is not sexy to look at, it feels nice in a weird "cave woman" type of way. It does, its hard to explain but is one of those weird ingrained things in the back of a womans brain i think.
Bottomline: Chest hair has no place in romance novels.
Tune in next time to ear about the issue with clothing choices.
Late Puberty: this is the small happy trail and that awkward patch near the pecks. This is normally joined by the inability to grow a full beard.
The Patches: This is more of an in between phase. At this point there is a patch on the stomach and one on the pecks, and some times a smattering of random hairs else where
The Full Body Suit: "Take off the sweat dad, you're scaring the natives." This is when the chest hair has taken on a life of its own and starts to eat the person. You will notice that most dad's have this.
The issue is that this is not what any of the males in romance novels have. A good deal of the time they are said to have only a happy trail, which is crazy. Because that means that they shave, or nair, or wax. And if the authors are to be believe i really dont see tough guys that spend half their time breaking head working in chest hair removal to their daily grooming.
Some times the lack of chest hair is explained away by them being ancient (fill in race here). But i would like to point out that i am under the impression that besides Native Americans most older cultures included more chest hair than we do now. So i dont buy that game.
The only logical conclusion is that a bunch of guys that drive fast cars and motorcycles, fight off deamons, and spend most of their time drinking and being "BA" (as Cole would say) shave their chests on a regular basis. Or they have a monthly spa appointment. Or as Cole would say "Take a nair bath."
My next major issues is the use of the term "dusting." It makes no sense. There is no such thing as a dusting of chest hair, unless we are going with what my dad had after the first round of chemo where there was still chest hair everywhere just less of it. And i would like to say that in no way was that attractive. Just take my word on this one.
My favorite is that many authors simply never address the chest hair, it just doesnt come up. Sure i know every other detail of the clothing, house, hair and eye color of the main characters but no mention of chest hair. This i dont understand either, seeing as i have to endure a detailed description of everything and every one.
The real point here is that chest hair is not sexy to look at, it feels nice in a weird "cave woman" type of way. It does, its hard to explain but is one of those weird ingrained things in the back of a womans brain i think.
Bottomline: Chest hair has no place in romance novels.
Tune in next time to ear about the issue with clothing choices.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Authors I Bookmark part 1
Yeah, I know two posts one day equals over achiever. But I'm up and in the mood to get started. So lets first talk about some of my favorite authors.
Lets start with the woman that first began my decent into this addiction: Sherrilyn Kenyon.
Kenyon is the author of the extremely expansive Dark Hunter series. I started the series at the beginning (something that rarely happens I always seem to pick up the middle book by accident) and was rather impressed. Try to remember I was reading these books long before Twilight killed vampires for most of the population. Her vampires are not so much vampires as they are two races at war. One race, the Apollites were originally created by the god Apollo and then cursed to die at the age of 26. They feed on human souls to live longer (but not all of them some of them are nice and kick the bucket without trying to eat us). The other race is Dark Hunters, who are warriors that died and Artimis granted them eternal life and a chance to get revenge to those who wronged them in exchange for being her personal army against the Apollites.
Kenyon has some great delievery of new ideas. She uses Greek mythology to fuel her characters and even pulls on other mythological beings on a regular basis. The series started pretty awesome and while she tends to overdue the goth thing with the male leads in her books they are decent, or were. Sadly after about the first ten books she got strange. It's gotten to the point where I now dread a new book from her, because the interlocking plot requires that I read every book but I stopped caring about some of her characters five books ago.
I would still suggest the first couple of books in the series. The books hit a down turn right about the time Dream Hunters come in and start to take up more space than the Dark Hunters and the Were Hunters. ( If you really want to know about them ask. but i doubt you will.) The last four books have either had no plot at all or so much plot that the book just sort of explodes in your face.
Kenyon receives a C- for her overall score.
Next on my list is Kresley Cole:
Cole might be one of my favorites and I have recommended her books to other readers. Immortals After Dark series has yet to fail me and her two historical romance series hold up to multiple reads.
The thing I like most about Cole is she sticks to a formula, she doesnt over due the goth thing on the vampires, and she brings up old characters so you can see how they are doing. Lore, or the community of magical and mystical creatures that live amongst us is the foundation of the series. So far the majority of the female characters come from a house full of Valkyrie in New Orleans with a witch, a ghost and a sorceri mixed in. The males are either vampires, werewolves or deamons.
Cole's strongest point is her humor. The valkyrie and the witches have an on going video game torunament. The one character that can see the future is completely out of her mind and sends the rest of the leads on wild goose chases for her amusement. Cole doesnt ever let any of the characters get too broody or too gloomy by making sure a joke always comes up just when things get tense. And while she sticks to the main ingredient of paranormal all of the characters are fairly modern and interact more like normal people.
True the back stories might not be as complicated as other authors (cough Kenyon cough) but i prefer it that way. Each book opens with little excerpts about what races in Lore will be making an appearance in that book as well as a glossary of terms that will come up. The other nice thing is that she introduces her characters before they get their own book. Each main character was first a supporting character or mentioned in a previous book, and while this is common in romance series Cole pulls it off bettter than some of the other authors out there.
Currently I am pacing waiting for the next installment which was hinted at two books ago. Now if only the publication dates would stop changing.
Cole recieves an A- for her overall score.
Lets start with the woman that first began my decent into this addiction: Sherrilyn Kenyon.
Kenyon is the author of the extremely expansive Dark Hunter series. I started the series at the beginning (something that rarely happens I always seem to pick up the middle book by accident) and was rather impressed. Try to remember I was reading these books long before Twilight killed vampires for most of the population. Her vampires are not so much vampires as they are two races at war. One race, the Apollites were originally created by the god Apollo and then cursed to die at the age of 26. They feed on human souls to live longer (but not all of them some of them are nice and kick the bucket without trying to eat us). The other race is Dark Hunters, who are warriors that died and Artimis granted them eternal life and a chance to get revenge to those who wronged them in exchange for being her personal army against the Apollites.
Kenyon has some great delievery of new ideas. She uses Greek mythology to fuel her characters and even pulls on other mythological beings on a regular basis. The series started pretty awesome and while she tends to overdue the goth thing with the male leads in her books they are decent, or were. Sadly after about the first ten books she got strange. It's gotten to the point where I now dread a new book from her, because the interlocking plot requires that I read every book but I stopped caring about some of her characters five books ago.
I would still suggest the first couple of books in the series. The books hit a down turn right about the time Dream Hunters come in and start to take up more space than the Dark Hunters and the Were Hunters. ( If you really want to know about them ask. but i doubt you will.) The last four books have either had no plot at all or so much plot that the book just sort of explodes in your face.
Kenyon receives a C- for her overall score.
Next on my list is Kresley Cole:
Cole might be one of my favorites and I have recommended her books to other readers. Immortals After Dark series has yet to fail me and her two historical romance series hold up to multiple reads.
The thing I like most about Cole is she sticks to a formula, she doesnt over due the goth thing on the vampires, and she brings up old characters so you can see how they are doing. Lore, or the community of magical and mystical creatures that live amongst us is the foundation of the series. So far the majority of the female characters come from a house full of Valkyrie in New Orleans with a witch, a ghost and a sorceri mixed in. The males are either vampires, werewolves or deamons.
Cole's strongest point is her humor. The valkyrie and the witches have an on going video game torunament. The one character that can see the future is completely out of her mind and sends the rest of the leads on wild goose chases for her amusement. Cole doesnt ever let any of the characters get too broody or too gloomy by making sure a joke always comes up just when things get tense. And while she sticks to the main ingredient of paranormal all of the characters are fairly modern and interact more like normal people.
True the back stories might not be as complicated as other authors (cough Kenyon cough) but i prefer it that way. Each book opens with little excerpts about what races in Lore will be making an appearance in that book as well as a glossary of terms that will come up. The other nice thing is that she introduces her characters before they get their own book. Each main character was first a supporting character or mentioned in a previous book, and while this is common in romance series Cole pulls it off bettter than some of the other authors out there.
Currently I am pacing waiting for the next installment which was hinted at two books ago. Now if only the publication dates would stop changing.
Cole recieves an A- for her overall score.
Because bad books are what I do
Greetings creatures of the internet.
If you have stumbled here by accident or perhaps been sent the link my yours truly (more likely) here is a quick rundown of what this lovely little corner of the interwebs:
I have an addiction to read the worst kinds of books, those over the top romance paper backs. And I go through them so quickly that a friend suggested I write about it. Mostly this sounds like an awesome idea because I have learned there is such a thing as taking a guilty pleasure too far.
So from now on it will be my mission to read these books (which i would do anyway) and then write for others to see. We might even get input from two of my trusted friends and fellow bad book readers.
So in other words here goes nothing.
If you have stumbled here by accident or perhaps been sent the link my yours truly (more likely) here is a quick rundown of what this lovely little corner of the interwebs:
I have an addiction to read the worst kinds of books, those over the top romance paper backs. And I go through them so quickly that a friend suggested I write about it. Mostly this sounds like an awesome idea because I have learned there is such a thing as taking a guilty pleasure too far.
So from now on it will be my mission to read these books (which i would do anyway) and then write for others to see. We might even get input from two of my trusted friends and fellow bad book readers.
So in other words here goes nothing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)